So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
