Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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