Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
