lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
