I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
