the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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