He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
