You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
