dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
