oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
