The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
