Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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