I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
