We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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