we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
