he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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