i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
