Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
