he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
