She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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