They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
