marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
