The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
