I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
