From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
