you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
