took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
