Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
