FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
