so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
