Cold hands, warm shart.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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