Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
