so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
