Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
