When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
