sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
