Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
