Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
