Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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