You can't motorboat a personality
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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