yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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