Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
