and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
