That's intense
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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