So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
