u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
