Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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