Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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