my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Randomize
