I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Quick, to the slutcave!
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
