I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
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We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize