Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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