you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
