Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
