so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
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So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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