Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
