Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
