She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize