I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
