Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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