I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
