just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
