why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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