Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
