I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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