WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
