Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
