so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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