It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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