I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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