Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
