I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
