OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
