I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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