u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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