some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize