boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Canadian or clown?
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!