I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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