I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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