I'd wear matching sweaters with you
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
