I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
