No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
