if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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