Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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