i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
