do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
